Mulberry Dale
A Short Story
I wrote this story a couple of years ago and posted it on Medium as part of an attempt to be braver in sharing my writing. When I wrote it, I had been taking part in a local women’s writing group, and the final week’s meeting had fallen on “World Unicorn Day”. So what had emerged from the group that day were several funny, silly stories about unicorns. This was mine. At the time, my older kid was a toddler and “Old McDonald Had A Farm” featured heavily on her list of song requests.
“I thought you would never answer the phone!” my sister’s voice came screeching through my cell phone. “Still got deliveries,” I whispered, tersely. “You’re never going to believe this…” “What am I never going to believe this time?” I asked, sure she could hear my eyes rolling through the phone. “I’m pretty sure I saw old McDonald leading five unicorns down the road towards his farm.” A giggle escaped me before I could suppress it. OK, this time she was right. I didn’t believe her. Unicorns weren’t real. She must have been at the psychedelic mushrooms again. “It’s not a joke!” she sounded indignant. “You know I can’t tell a joke to save my life.” Well, that much was true. “He had five unicorns. I saw them. One, two, three, four, five… White, silver, gold, brown, black. As big as horses but somehow… prancier.” “What were you doing all the way out here anyway?” I asked. Wolfsbane Road was mine, not hers. “Never mind that — ” she began, but I could feel the rage slowly begin to build within me as I suddenly remembered who lived at the very end of Wolfsbane Road. Petunia Hallow. My enemy. My sister’s frenemy with benefits. How did it even work? They weren’t the same species. “You were at it all night with that dreadful girl, weren’t you?” I interrupted. “Don’t worry! I took the car! I’ll make all my deliveries!” “You’ll be heard!” I whisper-barked at her. “Someone is bound to hear the car!” “The car’s electric, dummy. It’s whisper quiet. The engine barely makes a sound. It’s really quite the marvel of engineering. You should take it out for a spin sometimes.” I was never going to take the darn thing out for a spin, and she knew it. “And in any case, there’s leaves on the ground now. I’d have been heard regardless! Anyway, let me finish! I was driving, and nearly crashed when I saw them. I thought I was losing my mind.” She probably was losing her mind. “But when I rolled down the window and asked him if those truly were unicorns… my voice was stuttering by the way, you know how I hate it when my voice stutters… he simply said, “Yes ma’am” and shuffled on down the road as though leading five unicorns onto his property were a normal occurrence.” “You let him see you?” Dread was beginning to mount within me. “I mean, what is he going to do with five unicorns anyway? The man has a menagerie already with his mooing cows and neighing horses and quacking ducks and those freaking roosters that cock-a-doodle doo at a thousand freaking decibels at freaking five a.m. in the morning. Petunia and I had only just gotten round to sleeping when those awful creatures started crowing!" "You let him see you!" "You know, Petunia even told me that the old geezer has added bees to his collection. Does he think he can just up and start bee farming out of the blue? It’s not just a buzz-buzz here and a buzz-buzz there, and oh, here’s your honey, Mr. Farmer… bees are hard work. I bet he didn’t even get the right kind of bees. I bet he got those African Killer Bees that like to swarm at the slightest provocation and lack a healthy instinct for survival. Did you know that those little fuckers would rather die than pass up an opportunity to sting?” Maybe she hadn’t heard me. “You let him see you?!” I said, louder this time. “Oh would you relax? I was in the car, dummy. He would never have managed to catch me. This thing can go zero to sixty in like three seconds or something. Say, what sound do you suppose unicorns make? Neigh? They’re like horses, aren’t they? I bet they do something weird though. Like moo. Or baa. Or whatever sound it is a goat makes. Could you imagine walking up to one of those giant beasts, and it opens its mouth, and out comes a dainty little “quack”? That would be so disturbing!” Great. She was word vomiting and I wouldn’t be able to get a word in edgewise. I wondered how she was even managing to breathe what with the motor mouth and all. “Ooooooh nooooooooo… what if he slaughters them for meat? Maybe we should stop buying local meat, it all comes from his farm, you know. The trucked-in stuff is cheaper anyway; industrial farming for the win!" Oh, so she did understand sarcasm. She and I were going to have another little chat about that whole Peter Piper business then. "And I mean, who wants to eat unicorn steak or unicorn burger? Not me! Everyone knows you’re not supposed to consume unicorn! I mean, that shit didn’t work out for Voldemort, did it? Although to be fair, I’m not a hundred percent sure those books aren’t fiction. Say, maybe we should consider going vegetarian. It’s better for the environment and all. Do you think he’s going to breed the unicorns? His great grandmother was a breeder of exotic creatures you know. Petunia said so, and she knows everything that goes on around Wolfsbane Road.” I had made it to the next mailbox and absentmindedly placed the token inside while my sister chattered away on the phone. One more to go. The horrible Hallows. And then I’d be done. I’d only taken a couple of steps forward when it happened. The dread that had been steadily building within me boiled over. My blood cooled crisp as the pre-winter air and the hairs on my neck rose. I knew he was behind me before he spoke. “Well, well, well…” he said in a surprisingly silken voice. “You know, I wondered if I wasn’t seeing things earlier, but now… What is it, rare breed day in Mulberry Dale? There aren’t many of your kind are there? Especially not with skin that color. Must be my lucky day today.” “Hello? Are you still there?” my phone shrieked. My mouth had gone dry. I couldn’t have answered even if I’d dared. I was shaking as I turned around and found myself looking into a stormy pair of irises that were in one moment devoid of color, and in the next full of it. I took a step back, and another, the thick carpet of fallen auburn autumn leaves crunching beneath my feet. “I’ve always wondered what one of you would taste like…”